How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize