Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
