i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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