They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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