You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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