she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
