So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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