what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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