I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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