I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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