now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
