who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize