why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i need some magic done to my vagina
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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