I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
