He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
