What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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