Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
