If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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