1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
