honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize