I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
