your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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