Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
