weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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