tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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