if i can run in heels then i can drive
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
