I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
