My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
