We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
