Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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