He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
