My cat gives me a boner
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
