Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
