Acid is not a monday night drug
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
