I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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