I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
