Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
