Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
