remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
