I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
