That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
