she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
