She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
