I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
