oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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