Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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