Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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