Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
