Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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