He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
