Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
