I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
