so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
