Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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