I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
