Non-Jews are for practice
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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