shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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