God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
