he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Pants are for mortals
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
