she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I checked into jail on foursquare
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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