and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
