So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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