either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
