I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
