Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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