And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Let's paint friendship bongs
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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