I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
