WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
