My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
