i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
