my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
