STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
