dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
