I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
