i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize