Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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